When Understanding Emotions Doesn’t Come Naturally

A parent once sat across from me and said,

“He just doesn’t get emotions. If someone’s upset, he laughs. If he’s hurt, he swears he’s fine. It’s like feelings don’t make sense to him at all.”

If you’re reading this, maybe that sounds familiar.

When someone struggles with understanding emotions, it usually isn’t disrespect.

And it definitely isn’t coldness.

What’s happening is much simpler. And much more human.

Sometimes a person never learned how to connect what’s happening in their body with what they’re feeling. Emotions only show up once they’re already intense. And by then, the reaction looks confusing or off.

Laughing at the wrong moment.

Shutting down.

Acting fine when they’re clearly not.

It’s not misbehavior.

It’s overwhelm.

Other times, emotions weren’t safe growing up. They learned to avoid feelings, skip them, or hide them under humor.

That strategy worked back then… but today it blocks connection.

The good news is that understanding emotions is a teachable skill.

Once a person starts noticing feelings while they’re still small — in their tone, in their breathing, in their body — their reactions begin to make sense.

They feel more in control.

More connected.

Less confused by themselves.

If you’re noticing this pattern in someone you love, you’re not alone. And nothing is “wrong” with them. They just never learned this language yet.

A small takeaway you can try tonight:

If you see a reaction that feels “off,” gently ask:

“What’s happening inside your body right now?”

It opens the door without pressure or judgment.

If you ever want help teaching this — I’m here.

This is what I do every day.