His Reality Isn’t Yours and It Was Never Meant to Be

Parents often believe they are responding to the same moment their child is in.

They are not.

Two people can be in the same room, the same conversation, the same situation

and experience it completely differently.

Not because one is wrong.

Because one is still developing an inner world.

What It Often Looks Like on the Surface

From the outside, it can feel confusing.

His reactions seem bigger than the situation.

He pulls back when you try to help.

He struggles with moments you think should be simple.

You may find yourself thinking:

This shouldn’t be such a big deal.

I don’t understand why this is happening.

He knows better than this.

It feels like a mismatch.

Because it is.

What Is Often Happening Underneath

Inside, there may be much more going on than you can see.

Your child is not responding only to what is happening now.

He is responding to how it feels in his body.

To what it reminds him of.

To what he does not yet have words for.

His emotional system is still under construction.

Understanding comes later than feeling.

Words come later than reactions.

Perspective comes later than experience.

He is not choosing a bigger reaction.

He is having one.

Why This Is So Easy to Miss

Adults forget what it was like not to have language yet.

Not to have perspective yet.

Not to know how to slow things down inside.

Adults have context.

Children have sensation.

Adults explain.

Children react.

When we expect adult understanding from a child’s system, we miss what is actually happening.

What Changes Parenting the Most

Everything shifts when you stop trying to make his experience match yours.

Because it never will.

And it was never meant to.

Your role is not to correct his reality.

It is to understand it.

Once a child feels understood, regulation becomes possible.

Before that, correction just adds pressure.

The Long Term Cost If This Is Missed

When a child’s inner experience is consistently misunderstood, something happens quietly.

He learns to hide it.

Or shut it down.

Or fight to be heard.

Not because he wants to.

Because he adapts.

Children always adapt to the world they are in.

A Better Question

Instead of asking:

Why is he reacting like this?

Try asking:

What else might be going on for him right now?

Because his reality is not yours.

And learning to see it

is where real connection begins.